When Do Children Develop Empathy? Understanding Feelings, Friendship, and Emotional Growth

A parent recently asked me a question during a family drop-in program.

"My child cries when another child is upset. Does that mean they're especially sensitive?"

A few minutes later, another parent shared a very different concern.

"The other day, I pretended to cry at home just to see what my daughter would do."

She laughed softly.

"My daughter looked at me for a second and then went right back to playing."

"Should I be worried?"

Questions like these come up often because empathy can look very different from one child to another.

Many parents imagine empathy as a skill that appears suddenly. In reality, empathy develops gradually over many years. Like language, self-regulation, and problem-solving, it grows through everyday experiences, relationships, and practice.

Today, let's explore how empathy develops, what milestones families might notice, and how we can support children as they learn to understand the feelings of others.

What Is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and respond to another person's feelings.

Young children are not born with a full understanding of other people's emotions. Instead, they gradually learn that other people have thoughts, feelings, and experiences that may be different from their own.

This understanding develops alongside important cognitive, social, and emotional milestones.

Empathy is not simply about being kind.

It involves:

• Recognizing emotions in others

• Understanding that feelings can differ from our own

• Responding in caring ways

• Developing perspective-taking skills

These abilities continue developing throughout childhood and even into adolescence.

Early Signs of Empathy

Around 12–24 Months

Toddlers may begin noticing when someone is upset.

You might see a child:

• Pause when another child cries

• Look concerned when a caregiver appears sad

• Offer a toy to someone who is upset

• Seek help from an adult

Sometimes young toddlers cry when another child cries. This does not necessarily mean they fully understand the other child's feelings yet. Rather, they are often responding to the emotional atmosphere around them, which researchers sometimes describe as emotional contagion.

At this stage, children often respond the way they themselves would want to be comforted.

For example, a toddler may offer their favourite stuffed animal to a crying friend because that is what comforts them.

This is an early and important step toward empathy.

Around 2–3 Years

As language develops, children begin learning words for emotions.

You may hear comments such as:

• "Baby sad."

• "Mom happy."

• "He crying."

Children are becoming more aware that feelings exist and can be identified.

However, they still have difficulty fully understanding another person's perspective.

Sharing, turn-taking, and understanding others' needs are skills that continue developing during this stage.

This is also why a child who notices a parent pretending to cry may not immediately offer comfort. They may recognize that something is happening, but they are still learning how to interpret emotions and how to respond appropriately.

Around 4–5 Years

Preschoolers often begin showing more sophisticated empathy.

They may:

• Comfort a friend who is upset

• Ask what happened

• Recognize when someone feels left out

• Show concern when another child gets hurt

I still remember one little girl in our program who noticed another child crying after a block tower collapsed.

Before any adult could respond, she quietly walked over and offered one of her own blocks.

The gesture was simple, but it reflected something important. She had noticed another child's feelings and wanted to help.

Moments like these remind me that empathy often develops gradually through many small everyday experiences.

This is also when children begin developing stronger perspective-taking abilities.

They are learning that people can feel differently about the same situation.

Why Empathy Doesn't Look the Same in Every Child

Some children naturally show emotions openly.

Others observe quietly before responding.

Some children rush to comfort others.

Others need extra time to process what they are seeing.

Temperament can play an important role in how empathy is expressed.

Just as some children eagerly join group activities while others prefer to observe first, some children show empathy through visible actions while others demonstrate concern more quietly.

Language development, emotional regulation skills, previous experiences, and temperament can all influence how empathy appears.

Understanding these individual differences can help families focus on growth rather than comparison.

A child who appears less expressive may still be developing empathy.

What matters most is the gradual growth of emotional awareness over time.

Empathy Begins at Home

One thing I often remind parents is that children learn empathy by experiencing empathy.

When adults respond to children's feelings with patience, understanding, and compassion, children gradually begin using those same skills with others.

Long before children learn to comfort a friend, they experience what it feels like to be comforted themselves.

Long before they learn to listen to another person's feelings, they learn what it feels like to be listened to.

Empathy is often taught less through instruction and more through relationships.

The caring interactions children experience every day become the foundation for how they eventually treat others.

Supporting Empathy Through Everyday Experiences

Name Feelings Throughout the Day

Children learn emotional vocabulary when adults label emotions naturally.

For example:

• "You look disappointed that playtime is finished."

• "Your brother seems excited about his new toy."

• "That child looks frustrated."

Over time, children become better at recognizing emotions in themselves and others.

Read Books About Feelings

Stories help children explore emotions in a safe and predictable way.

Ask questions such as:

• "How do you think that character feels?"

• "What might help them feel better?"

• "Have you ever felt that way?"

Model Caring Behaviour

Children learn by watching the adults around them.

When adults demonstrate kindness, patience, and compassion, children see empathy in action.

Simple examples include:

• Checking on someone who is hurt

• Offering help

• Expressing concern for others

• Speaking respectfully during conflicts

Encourage Problem-Solving

When conflicts occur, help children think about the feelings involved.

You might ask:

• "How do you think your friend felt?"

• "What could we do to help?"

• "What might make things better?"

These conversations help children connect actions and emotions.

When Additional Support May Be Helpful

Children develop empathy at different rates.

However, families may wish to discuss concerns with a healthcare provider or child development professional if a child consistently:

• Shows little awareness of others' emotions over time

• Has significant difficulty connecting with peers

• Struggles with social interactions across many settings

• Experiences challenges that interfere with everyday relationships

Seeking guidance does not automatically mean something is wrong.

Sometimes additional support simply helps families better understand their child's developmental needs.

Wrapping Up Today's Wonder

Empathy is not a milestone that appears overnight.

It develops gradually through caring relationships, everyday conversations, play experiences, and opportunities to connect with others.

Some children show early signs of empathy through comforting behaviours. Others take more time to develop the language and perspective-taking skills that support emotional understanding.

As adults, we can help by modelling kindness, talking about feelings, and creating opportunities for children to practise caring for others.

With time and experience, those small moments of concern, comfort, and connection often grow into lifelong skills that support friendships, relationships, and emotional well-being.

Sometimes the most meaningful lessons children learn are not taught directly.

They are experienced through the caring relationships that surround them every day.

Information Table: Empathy Development Summary

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Recommended Age

Toddlers and Preschoolers (approximately 12 months – 6 years)

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Developmental Key Points

Skills Supported: Emotional awareness, perspective-taking, social understanding, relationship building

Expert ECE Advice: Empathy develops gradually and is closely connected to language, emotional regulation, and social experiences.

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Social Learning Connection

Skills Supported: Friendship skills, cooperation, conflict resolution

Expert ECE Advice: Children build empathy through everyday interactions, shared play experiences, and guidance from caring adults.

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Language & Communication Connection

Skills Supported: Emotional vocabulary, listening, conversation skills

Expert ECE Advice: Naming feelings regularly helps children recognize emotions in themselves and others.

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Family Engagement Tip

Skills Supported: Emotional connection, relationship building

Expert ECE Advice: Reading stories, discussing emotions, and modelling caring behaviour are powerful ways to support empathy development at home.

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Emotional Development Connection

Skills Supported: Self-awareness, emotional regulation, compassion

Expert ECE Advice: Understanding personal emotions helps children better understand the feelings of others.

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The Big Picture

Expert ECE Advice: Empathy is a developmental journey rather than a single milestone. Children grow this skill through relationships, practice, and supportive guidance over time.

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