When Another Child Takes Your Child's Toy: What Should Parents Do? Understanding Turn-Taking, Waiting, and Early Social Skills

Hello to all my wonderful parents and fellow educators!

During one of our family drop-in programs, I noticed two toddlers playing happily in the pretend kitchen area.

One child had been carefully stirring soup in a toy pot for several minutes when another child walked over, picked up the pot, and carried it away.

Within seconds, one child was crying.

One parent looked uncomfortable.

The other parent wasn't quite sure what to do.

I could almost see the question on both parents' faces:

"Should I step in?"

"Should I tell my child to share?"

"Or should I wait and see what happens?"

If you've ever visited a family drop-in centre, library program, or indoor play space, you've probably witnessed a moment just like this.

In fact, it's one of the most common social situations we see in early childhood programs.

The good news is that it usually isn't a sign that either child is being unkind.

More often, it's a valuable opportunity for children to begin learning one of the most important social skills of early childhood: taking turns.

Why Do Young Children Take Toys from Other Children?

To adults, it may seem obvious that if someone else is playing with a toy, we should simply wait.

For toddlers and young preschoolers, however, that understanding is still developing.

Young children are naturally curious and often focus on whatever captures their attention in the moment.

If another child is playing with an exciting toy, they may simply think,

"I want that!"

The ability to stop, wait, and think about another person's perspective is still growing.

Skills such as impulse control, patience, flexible thinking, and understanding that someone else has a turn continue developing throughout the preschool years.

Taking a toy doesn't necessarily mean a child is selfish or intentionally being rude.

More often, it reflects where they are developmentally.

Why We Teach Turn-Taking Instead of Immediate Sharing

One of the biggest surprises for many families is that in early childhood programs, we often talk more about taking turns than sharing.

Adults naturally encourage children by saying,

"Share with your friend."

While well-intentioned, immediate sharing isn't always the expectation.

Imagine you were reading a book and someone asked for it halfway through.

Most adults would probably respond,

"I'm still using it."

Children deserve that same respect.

When a child is actively playing with a toy, it's perfectly reasonable for them to finish before someone else has a turn.

This is exactly how we approach these situations in our programs.

If one child reaches for another child's toy, we rarely say,

"You have to share."

Instead, we calmly say,

"They're still using it."

"You'll have a turn when they're finished."

"Let's wait together."

Learning to wait teaches patience.

Learning to finish using something before passing it along teaches respect for others.

Both children are practising valuable social skills.

What If Your Child Wants Another Child's Toy?

This is a wonderful opportunity to coach rather than correct.

Instead of saying,

"Go find something else."

or

"Just share."

Try saying:

"They're still playing with it."

"Let's wait until they're finished."

"You'll have a turn next."

Waiting can feel incredibly difficult for young children.

Your calm support helps them practise managing disappointment while learning that waiting doesn't mean never.

Over time, these repeated experiences help children build self-regulation, patience, and confidence.

What If Your Child Is the One Who Took the Toy?

This situation can feel especially uncomfortable.

Many parents immediately apologize or worry that other families will think their child is being rude or aggressive.

The good news is that this behaviour is extremely common during the toddler years.

Rather than feeling embarrassed, think of it as a teaching opportunity.

Calmly guide your child by saying,

"They were still using that."

"Let's give it back."

"You'll have a turn when they're finished."

Children learn much more from calm, consistent guidance than from anger or shame.

The goal isn't to make children feel bad.

The goal is to help them learn what to do next time.

What If Another Child Takes Your Child's Toy?

Watching another child take your child's toy can be frustrating.

Our first instinct is often to immediately grab it back.

Instead, try supporting both children.

You might calmly say,

"They were still using that."

"Let's give it back. You'll have a turn when they're finished."

This approach isn't about blaming either child.

Instead, it teaches a simple social rule that everyone can understand.

Children learn best when adults stay calm, respectful, and consistent.

When Parents Feel Awkward

Sometimes the hardest part isn't the children.

It's the adults.

You may wonder why another parent isn't saying anything.

Or perhaps you worry that other parents are judging your child.

In reality, many families are still learning how to respond in these situations.

Some parents are giving their child a moment to solve the problem independently.

Some aren't sure what words to use.

Others are simply caught off guard.

A little understanding goes a long way.

When adults respond calmly instead of critically, children benefit from seeing respectful problem-solving modelled right in front of them.

Learning Social Skills Takes Practice

Taking turns isn't something children master after hearing it once.

Like learning to walk, talk, or zip up a jacket, social skills develop through hundreds of everyday experiences.

Each time children hear,

"It's their turn."

"You'll have a turn next."

"Let's wait together."

they're gradually building important lifelong skills, including:

• Patience

• Emotional regulation

• Perspective-taking

• Problem-solving

• Respect for others

• Self-control

These everyday moments at the play centre may seem small, but they are powerful opportunities for learning.

When Additional Support May Be Helpful

Occasionally taking toys from other children is a typical part of early childhood.

However, families may wish to seek additional guidance if a child consistently:

• Becomes extremely aggressive when asked to wait

• Frequently hurts other children while taking toys

• Shows very little progress despite ongoing adult support

• Struggles across many different social situations at home and in group settings

Speaking with your child's healthcare provider or an early childhood professional can help you better understand your child's individual needs and identify additional supports if needed.

Wrapping Up Today's Wonder

Watching another child take your child's toy can be frustrating.

Watching your own child take someone else's toy can feel just as uncomfortable.

But these everyday moments are exactly where social learning happens.

Young children aren't born knowing how to wait, take turns, or understand another person's perspective.

They develop these skills through calm guidance, repeated practice, and caring adults who help them navigate challenging situations with patience and respect.

Every disagreement over a toy is also an opportunity.

An opportunity to practise waiting.

An opportunity to build empathy.

An opportunity to strengthen self-control.

An opportunity to learn that everyone deserves a turn.

These moments may seem small today, but they help lay the foundation for the friendships, cooperation, and problem-solving skills children will carry with them for years to come.

With time, consistency, and gentle guidance, children gradually discover that everyone gets a turn.

And that's one of the most valuable lessons we can help them learn.

Information Table: Taking Turns at the Play Centre

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Recommended Age

Toddlers and Preschoolers (approximately 18 months–5 years)

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Developmental Key Points

Skills Supported: Impulse control, emotional regulation, patience, perspective-taking, and early conflict resolution

Expert ECE Advice: Young children often take toys because they are still developing the ability to wait and consider another child's perspective. This behaviour is usually developmental rather than intentional.

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Social Learning Connection

Skills Supported: Turn-taking, cooperation, empathy, and respectful communication

Expert ECE Advice: Rather than expecting immediate sharing, help children learn that everyone has a turn. Waiting is an important social skill that develops through repeated practice.

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Family Engagement Tip

Skills Supported: Consistent language between home and community settings

Expert ECE Advice: Try using simple phrases such as, "They're still using it," "Let's wait for our turn," and "You'll have a turn when they're finished." Repeating consistent language helps children understand expectations over time.

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Emotional Development Connection

Skills Supported: Managing disappointment, resilience, and self-regulation

Expert ECE Advice: Waiting for a turn can be frustrating for young children. Acknowledging their feelings while calmly maintaining the boundary helps build emotional regulation.

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Play-Based Learning Connection

Skills Supported: Cooperative play, negotiation, friendship skills, and relationship building

Expert ECE Advice: Everyday conflicts during play are valuable learning opportunities. With gentle guidance, children gradually develop the social skills they will use throughout childhood and beyond.

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